Ride the Lightning

Sex Wearing Trackable Devices – More Funky Evidence Sources

June 18, 2015

Well, they are not here yet, but sex wearing trackable devices are almost certainly coming to a bedroom near you.

In a recent post by Throb, it was reported that two companies have plans to release “sex trackers”. So far, these two seem to be the first that could actually make it into production. Spanish smartphone manufacturer Geeksphone plans to release a watch-form fitness tracker called Geeksme later this year, which will have the ability to record sexual performance along with all the other standard features of a wearable step counter.

The feature will have to be manually activated by the user and will measure variables like the duration of intercourse, calculate calories burned during sex, and keep track of how often the wearer engages in bedroom fun. The device is still in development, but the company hopes to launch it this summer.

The other entry to this very new field is a dedicated sex tracking wearable called the Lovely, which is being billed as a toy for couples. It takes a much more direct route to sexual measurement than the Geeksme. The Geeksme goes on a wrist. The Lovely, by Indiegogo, goes on a penis (or as a video explains) on a dildo or over some fingers.

The leaf-shaped device works like a cock ring (had to look this up on Wikipedia), but has an embedded chip with an accelerometer, a gyroscope, and a motion processor. It sends data to a smartphone app that records the speeds, forces, orientation, and duration of each sexual encounter, calculates calories burned, and offers tips to enhance your sex life. The Lovely also includes a tiny vibrator for clitoral stimulation.

Lovely? Depends. I'm thinking that our smartphones and the clouds they send data to are going to have some increasingly torrid evidence. Santa, please do NOT put the Lovely on this old-fashioned girl's wish list.

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